Smell My Slots
I recently received an email from the digital PR lead for Online Casinos Canada, plugging the “Flame of Fortune Vegas Scented Candle.” Evidently, these are candles that spew the aromas of Las Vegas casinos, so people playing casino games online in Canada can pretend they’re in Las Vegas while they sit at home in their underwear, eating nachos and playing slots on their phones.
According to the casino.ca website, it’s “the candle that brings the magic of Vegas straight into your home. With every flicker, this lucky candle fills the air with scents that radiate jackpot, good fortune, and neon lights. It’s like hitting the casino floor without leaving your couch.”
Man, that’s for me. If there’s anything I hate, it’s having to get up from my couch.
When I first saw the brand, I imagined they were re-creating the subtle smells pumped into casinos through the HVAC systems—you know, the ones that mess with your brain to give you a feeling of well-being so you happily turn over all your money. According to a report in feelingvegas.com, the MGM Grand pumps in something called “Volupta Gold,” which it describes as “a masculine, floral scent that has notes of Mandarin, neroli, orange zest, champaca flowers, white spice, patchouli, Benzoin Siam, and cade oil.” (Or is it crude oil?)
No, the smells emanating from the Flame of Fortune candles are a bit more esoteric. Let’s see. There’s “Casino Carpet Notes.” Mmm. Nothing like the smell of a casino carpet. Especially an old one. I remember the old Sands in Atlantic City just before they closed it in 2006. You could smell the must on that carpet from the car when you turned onto Ohio Avenue.
Wow, if I could get that smell sitting on my couch while playing slots and eating nachos, that would be it. My life would be complete. I could even imagine spilling my nachos on the musty rug. That would be a dream come true.
Another Flame of Fortune candle is “Hint of Sweet Cocktail Spill.” Would that be the smell from a rum and coke spilled by the cocktail server, or the smell of cheap whiskey spilled by a drunk as he stumbles to the musty carpet?
Hey, who cares, right?
Then there’s the “Buffet Pizza Aroma” candle. Oh, yeah. Imagine how much more you’ll win on the slots with the scent of bad buffet pizza wafting through your nasal passages. Another is “Metallic Slot Machine Scent.” If you smell slot machine metal while playing online slots, you can imagine putting your fist through the top box if you lose.
Wow, a metal smell. Maybe they can enhance that one with the smell of chrome polish.
Hey, I’m always thinking.
To be honest, I was surprised that a few common Vegas casino scents were missed by the candles. My favorites include “Stale Pall Mall” and “Stinking Cigar.”
It says here that the Vegas-inspired candle is “designed to bring luck.” According to casino.ca, there is “luck in every flicker,” to appeal to “fans of good fortune,” and “anyone who enjoys a little good luck.” Now, smells can be added to all the rituals that normally bring luck in casinos, like blowing on dice, tapping or tracing circles on a slot screen, or dancing a conga line around a slot bank while singing “Babalu.”
What, you never heard of that one? It works every time.
Moving on, it says here that a guy was just arrested and charged with arson after an incident at Rivers Casino in my hometown of Pittsburgh. It seems that Jeremy Hartman went into a closed restaurant at Rivers and started stuffing bottles of booze into a sack. According to police, he managed to nab $4,000 worth of liquor by the time police caught him in the act.
While the cops marched him toward a holding area, he asked to use the restroom, and they let him do so, wherein he allegedly lit up a commercial-grade firework and threw it in a toilet, and boom! Up went a vile mixture of toilet water and gunpowder, slightly injuring an employee who was inside the restroom.
Presumably, the toilet explosion sent a dazzling display of color to the top of the stall.
Police found more fireworks in the guy’s car after they charged him with arson, so he may have been planning a grand finale in the Rivers parking garage.
Anyway, this saga in my favorite town did have one positive outcome for the industry at large—a new scent for the Flame of Fortune candles: “Pyrotechnic Potty.”
Pass the nachos!
