Crypto-Nite
I was just reading this piece about crypto casinos, aka bitcoin casinos, and how people gamble with cybercurrency and use blockchain transactions for deposits and withdrawals.
I had wanted to offer you my opinion of this new kind of casino, but as soon as I start, this will become one of those “what-a-friggin’-dinosaur-I-am” columns. The more I read about these operations, the more bewildered I become.
Don’t get me wrong. I have no moral objection to people gambling with bitcoins, or ethereums (or is it etheria?), cardanos, lightcoins, polkadots, moonbeams, razzmatazzes or whatever other cybercurrency is out there in cyberspace. Far be it from me to tell anyone how to gamble.
I just have a hard time embracing the practice, because I have a hard time grasping the concept. Put another way, I’m clueless. As I understand it, you buy cryptocurrency at the price it is at that instant. Investors speculate on whether the price is going to go up or down, and purchase accordingly.
Wait, let’s see; maybe I do get it. I buy bitcoins from some exchange, because they’re kind of like a stock. Then, I can use them like currency—invisible money that I can take to an imaginary casino that only exists on the internet. I can buy in at the imaginary craps table and fan out my bitcoins for the imaginary boxman. I’m guessing they have red 5 BTC chips and green 25 BTC chips, right?
(See? I even know the cyberlingo.)
I suppose this would work great as long-term gambling practice, except for one thing. What if the 25 BTC chip I bought for $25 suddenly becomes worth $1? It’s like a stock, remember? My whole bankroll could be wiped out before I throw my first imaginary dice.
And before you tell me 25 bitcoins cost a lot more than $25, I was just making a point. I know bitcoins cost at least $30 apiece. (Actually, as of this writing, a bitcoin costs $113,924.52.)
In any event, even if I were some kind of bitcoin tycoon or ethereum mogul (more attainable at $4,400 per ETH), I’m sorry, I’m not doing this. I suppose there are young turks out there who like to walk around holding their phones, checking cryptocurrency prices and gambling at the crypto casino as they head to their next meeting.
Personally, I actually like to go to a real casino, and check in at a hotel that hopefully has a direct elevator between the guest rooms and the casino floor. I like to buy in at a craps table by fanning out real cash dollars for a human boxman (along with my player’s card, naturally) to buy real red and green and (hopefully) black chips.
Then, maybe a cocktail server comes along and I get a free beverage, brought to me at the table like I’m a big shot. How does that work in a crypto casino? I’ll bet if you want a drink, you’ve got to get it yourself, like some loser.
After that, I hopefully get to whoop it up and high-five with complete strangers for a couple of hours. Nothing like that in crypto world.
Not that I’ve ever been there. I’m a dinosaur, remember?
In any event, I’m sure crypto casinos can replicate a lot of the charm of a real casino. They can probably use AI and 3D graphics to make it look like you’re walking in a casino, or cheering a hot roll along with avatars—who, incidentally, you can in no way high-five.
Maybe I’m wrong about the cyber-casino world. Maybe it’s good to view craps wagers as financial transactions with an “E-O Eleven!” tacked on. (Can you say that in crypto casinos?)
And maybe crypto casinos can use modern technology to replicate many aspects of the casino-resort experience, without the hassle of dealing with the valet. I just don’t see the need.
In other news, you may have heard that there’s a trade show this month in Las Vegas. This year will make one more year covering trade shows than whatever I said last year. The G2E show is going to be great, as you’ll realize by doggedly flipping through every word of the annual Global Games section in this issue.
Actually, I’ve been covering the main Las Vegas trade show or shows every year since 1985. Yes, I know. Dinosaur. But at least I got to see Nipsey Russell at the New Frontier and Redd Foxx at the Hacienda. They didn’t accept cryptocurrency, to my knowledge.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m heading to the crypto casino, so I can flush my bitcoins down the toilet.
Are they flushable?
