Fans of the rock band KISS who also like to gamble in casinos are in for a big party to be thrown by the Kaw Nation in Oklahoma. According to Tulsa World, the tribe’s next casino and resort project will carry the Rock & Brews theme owned by KISS members Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley. That means, by extension, it will carry the theme of the KISS band.
There are more than a dozen Rock & Brews restaurants around Texas and Oklahoma, a fact with which I’m very familiar, since around 10:30 this morning. Evidently, they serve first-rate chili, and feature a full bar with a premium wine list, local craft beers, and—according to their website—“dog-friendly heated patios, and a kids’ play area, all in an atmosphere reminiscent of a family-friendly concert featuring concert lighting, multiple flat-screen televisions and classic rock music.”
Yes, KISS. The family-friendly rock band.
“Daddy, why is that man’s tongue hanging down to his chest and wagging around?”
“Never mind, Princess. Watch the fire-breathing and blood-spitting guy instead. Uh-oh! Here’s a hanky.”
My apologies to the KISS faithful. I was never a fan. I know the live performances were a spectacle and all that, but if I want clown makeup and pyrotechnics, I prefer a Cirque show, or some other form of entertainment that doesn’t include, you know, bad rock music.
But hey, that’s just me. I wish the Kaw Nation all the success in the world. I do have a couple of questions, though. Will the KISS theme at the property take into account that the brand is owned by only half of the band? Will Peter Criss and Ace Frehley get their props in the theme? Catman Café? Space Ace Bar & Grill?
Will litigation force awkward bar names because they’re owned by only half the band?
“The Half-KISS Lounge! Where you can rock ‘n’ roll half the night and party every other day!”
Moving on, a woman has been harassing employees at the headquarters of the Pennsylvania Lottery. According to police, the woman has made repeated obscene and violent threats in calls to lottery headquarters—because she can’t win. According to the Penn Live website, the 47-year-old woman buys gangs of instant lottery tickets at a time, and after hours of futile scratching, calls and threatens to kill lottery employees, while hurling “sexually explicit insults.” At one point, she told employees she has looked up where they live and hired hit men to kill their families.
Wow. I’m glad we don’t have to put up with that kind of behavior in casinos.
OK, we’ve seen rage erupt here and there. But mostly, casino slot floors and pits have been free of death threats. Certainly, no one’s jacking a pit boss or slot supervisor up against a wall or threatening to rub out his family. The worst that normally ensues is some minor property damage, and maybe a night in the slammer.
Why doesn’t this woman in Pennsylvania just go into a casino and put her fist through a machine like a normal person?
Instead, she’s charged with 25 counts of harassment and stalking, and three counts of making terroristic threats. It says here that at the end of her profanity-laced tirades over the phone, she would sign off as Gus the Groundhog from the Pennsylvania Lottery commercials—you know, the “second-most famous groundhog in Pennsylvania.”
After threatening to take off someone’s head, she would say, “Keep on scratchin’!”
At press time, she was scratchin’ at the jailhouse wall.
Finally, the Las Vegas Weekly reports that Wynn Resorts properties will soon offer something called Alexa, which is a female computer like that one on Star Trek that you can ask to calculate distances to the next star base, for tricorder readings on the surrounding environment, or to scan for any life forms in the immediate area.
OK, maybe it can’t do all that, but you will be able to shout out instructions to a voice-controlled system to get weather updates, compare restaurants, find the best place for sushi in Las Vegas, connect to Bluetooth to play your favorite streamed music, or of course, order a hooker.
OK, kidding on the last one. It’s not in Pahrump yet.
Presumably, you’ll also be able to shout for help if you wake up to find a tiger in the bathroom of your high-roller suite.
You know, I’m all for technological advancements like voice-controlled commands you can give to a computer, but in the final analysis, I’d rather have a butler.
Preferably, one who looks like Mr. French from Family Affair.
Or better yet, like Gene Simmons from KISS.