On that extremely rare occasion when I don’t have a burning gaming-related issue on my radar that commands my immediate commentary, buffoonery and haberdashery, I sometimes turn to the old gaming industry news ticker, which sits right here on my desk, chattering away. (“FLASH… Naked man in casino… Lost shirt at craps table… Unclear when pants lost… Details to come…”)
Our first news item is from Pennsylvania, where the Sands Casino Resort Bethlehem has announced it is adding a Kids Quest. Popularized in Mississippi casinos, Kids Quest is a licensed, fully staffed, professional day care and entertainment center for children of all ages. Parents leave their kids there while they gamble. Every casino should have a Kids Quest, if only to prevent damage from total idiot parents like the one described in our second news item, from Florida:
A guy was hauled in front of a judge for leaving his toddler and baby in his truck while he was in a casino for more than an hour. Both of these children were under 2 years old. They were found by a security guard, crying. (The kids, not the guard.) It says the judge gave the guy a “lecture.”
What, before he was flogged? If I was the judge, I would have given the guy life in front of a firing squad.
Actually, the man is being charged with “child neglect without great harm.” I don’t know what goes through the minds of some people. You’d think that instead of leaving them in the truck, the guy at least could have brought the kids inside the casino—as my parents did with me, leaving me to be raised by slot attendants, which ultimately resulted in my distinguished gaming-writer career.
Of course, I’m joking. (I was raised by wolves.)
In our next news item, the lovely Paris Hilton is being employed by Caesars Entertainment in a “DJ residency” at the Pool After Dark nightclub at Harrah’s Resort Atlantic City. Apparently, Paris does have a skill that goes beyond signing a credit-card receipt.
In fact, Paris reportedly bills herself as “one of the top five DJs in the world.” Apparently, it is a skill she honed at a couple of parties for which she “spun the discs,” or whatever it is that DJs do, at the Amnesia nightclub on the Spanish island of Ibiza.
Paris talked to the “In The Mix” website about the kinds of music that have made her one of the top five DJs in the world:
“I really love Nicky Romero and Avicii’s ‘I Could Be The One;’ I just think the lyrics are really great and I love the drop,” she said. She also likes “Animals” by Martin Garrix: “He’s a really young DJ, he’s very talented and upcoming, and I think that song is really dope.”
OK, these are the first words that have come out of Paris Hilton’s mouth that I’ve ever paid attention to, and I am totally confused. She “loves the drop” in one song. What the heck is that? Is it the sound of a shoe dropping? Does the song stop in the middle?
She thinks another song is “really dope.” Is that some sort of DJ-hipster lingo? I think I like the expression. Maybe I’ll use it during my next casino supplier roundtable discussion:
“Sir, the general opinion in the investment community is that your recent merger was really dope. Can you comment?”
“Absolutely, Frank. Our board of directors agreed that the transaction was totally dope.”
Finally, Paris described the really-dope song as being “by” a young DJ. Are DJs now taking credit for songs that they play as if they actually performed the songs themselves? Geez, why did I take all those guitar and music theory lessons? If I could have just taken credit for songs written and played by other artists, my music career may have led to something other than me being a magazine editor.
By the way, Harrah’s is paying the multimillionaire heiress $100,000 a night to be a resident DJ. Kind of makes you want to go to the garage and sit in the car with the motor running, doesn’t it? OK, maybe not, but in any event, I am clearly in the wrong racket.
Yes, there is a lot of other casino news this month, such as the blinding charge toward the establishment of casinos in Massachusetts, which, evidently, could happen in time for my great-grandchildren to enjoy them. But I can’t tell you about that right now.
I’m heading to school. I’m training to become a DJ.
It will be totally dope.