The other day, I was reading the “Online Casino Reports” newsletter (“Where Gamblers Meet”), where I found out about the All Slots Mobile Casino.
According to “Brett C,” who wrote the article, this device “allows players to transform their mobile phones or iPhones into virtual in-pocket casinos,” to gain the “awesome power” of being able to “take the casino wherever they go.”
Yes, I’m thinking Brett C probably isn’t an objective journalist, and in all likelihood probably sells the All Slots Mobile Casino Platform. But nevertheless, I began imagining what it would be like, having this “awesome power” of being able to play slot games anywhere.
Think of it. You could play slots during a meeting.
“Phil, why don’t you go over those budget numbers for the new fiscal year?”
“Well, our projected income for 2011 is… HEY, I just hit the bonus!”
You could play at a restaurant.
“I’ll have the salmon, along with… Dragon Jackpot!”
You could play at a sporting event.
Whispering announcer: “Tiger Woods, two strokes off the lead, sizes up his angle… And here comes the putt…”
Shout from the crowd: “WOOOOO-HOOO! JACKPOT!”
Announcer: “Whoa! Woods has launched his putt through the windshield of that Grand Marquis!”
As you all know, I like playing slots as much as the next guy, but I don’t know if I’m ready for devices that let you play slot machines anywhere, any time. There’s even a device available from a company called Potato Technology that lets you attach a teeny little handle to your iPhone or iPod or iPad, or i-Whatever. Then, you can spin teeny little reels with the teeny handle while you’re waiting at the dentist.
“Is that your phone I hear?”
“No, that’s the mystery bonus on my slot machine.”
By the way, I found the article on Potato Technology’s “Slot Machine Docking Station” with the little handle while surfing the internet last summer. For the life of me, though, I haven’t been able to figure out why the company is called “Potato Technology.”
I can’t even find evidence anywhere that the company actually exists. After plugging the term “Potato Technology” into internet search engines, the only thing I can come up with is the fact that this month, in Fredericton, New Brunswick, Canada, the “2011 Northeast Potato Technology Forum” will bring together “everyone involved in the potato industry in the Northeast region,” where there will be fascinating roundtable discussions on the latest potato research.
Hey, I’ve already made my travel plans. I’m hoping they have free French fries.
But getting back to my original point, I won’t be looking to buy a Potato Technology docking station for my iPhone. Call me old-fashioned, but I like to gamble in casinos.
I sort of feel the same way about online casinos, but I do like the idea of linking internet gaming to land-based casinos. If, eventually, I can legally play poker on my computer while eating my cornflakes, it would be nice to earn freebies and points that can be used when I go to my beloved land-based casinos. In fact, you can read all about that in this very issue of GGB.
Yes, now and then, I like to promote the rest of the issue in my goofy column. But there is one more news item on which I’d like to comment before my goofy-column space runs out, which, I can see by looking to the bottom of the page, is happening quickly. (Yes, I’m actually here, inside the caricature of myself.)
Remember the motorcycle bandit I goofed on a couple of issues ago? I remember saying he wasn’t too bright for his brazen robbery of casino chips, because he’d be caught when he tried to use the $25,000 chips. Well, it turns out he was even dumber than I thought.
He got caught, but it wasn’t because he tried to gamble the big chips. The bandit, who is the son of a Las Vegas judge of all things, got nabbed after he tried to sell the big chips on the internet. He posted pictures of the chips on a poker player website, offering them for sale. Get this: He signed it “Biker Bandit.” Honest. An undercover cop bought some of the chips off him, and arrested him.
“Biker Bandit?” What a chowderhead! Anyway, that’s all I can say about the subject, because I’m late for my flight. I’m so excited! The potato technology convention’s finally here!
See you in Fredericton!