There was a lot of weird news coming out of the casino industry last month, starting with the guy who crashed his car into Melbourne’s Crown Casino.
Chen Jie Xu, 34, was driving down a footpath in June—you know, like you do—when he crashed into three banks, and then drove his SUV right through the glass doors of the Crown, coming to a stop at the top of an escalator in the foyer.
According to Inside Asian Gaming, Xu told a magistrate last month that he lost control of his car because he “accidentally drank petrol.”
You know, like you do.
According to the report, Xu’s defense was that he had become confused after accidentally taking a drink from a bottle inside his car that was filled with gasoline.
This is exactly why I stopped keeping my extra gasoline in a Snapple bottle in my car.
The judge wasn’t buying it, especially since tests revealed he had also been snorting cocaine. He got 13 months in jail.
Hey, even I know not to put coke in my petrol.
And Ozzy Osbourne probably knows that too. Ozzy was in the casino news last month when it was announced that he is the new brand ambassador for the online Metal Casino, a site where “only the edgiest games” are offered, and bonus prizes include concert tickets and backstage passes.
“When we started Metal Casino, we knew it had to be more than just a casino, but a platform for a global community of metal heads and casino lovers to share their passion,” said Casino Chief Marketing Officer Clas Dahlén, according to the Malta Business Wire. “With Ozzy’s help, we’re going to make this happen.”
Ozzy himself was just as excited. “The guys at Metal Casino told me that their brand was all about being true, relevant and dedicated to the customer, and that really resonated with me,” he said. “To me, that translated as keeping it real, keeping it original, and doing it all for your fans, and that’s all I’ve been trying to do my whole f—in’ life.”
According to the report, Osbourne then mumbled incoherently and threw a few more F-bombs, before falling asleep. (Not really.)
Next, the Marijuana Business Conference and Expo held its three-day convention last month at the Las Vegas Convention Center. The conference, called MJBizCon for short, strives to achieve respect for an industry that is now a legal and legitimate business in many states, and to knock down all the old stereotypes about pot use.
“This is just like any other trade show that you would see here in the North Halls of the Las Vegas Convention Center,” Cassandra Farrington, CEO and co-founder of expo parent Marijuana Business Daily, told CDC Gaming Reports.
“This is just like any other trade show that you would see here in the North Halls of the Las Vegas Convention Center.
“Wait, did I say that already?”
Our next item updates a story reported right here last month.
Remember that guy who robbed the M Resort three times, wearing the same clothes the first two times and brandishing a fake gun and using the same getaway car, and parking in the same place all three times, and still being surprised he got caught? According to the Casino.org website, the guy, Gregory Bolusan, is actually a Las Vegas-based evangelical pastor at the Grace Bible Church, and his wife, Lea Bolusan, worked at the casino as a cashier.
Lea hasn’t been implicated in the crimes, but I can’t help imagining Jim and Tammy Faye Baker knocking off a casino cage.
But in any event, these folks are well-known enough that Pastor Greg probably would have been identified even if he hadn’t practically handed the case to authorities already.
Casino.org writer Kevin Horridge wrote that if convicted, Pastor Greg could do up to 20 years “behind the not-so-pearly gates of prison.” Har!
Finally, the Buffalo News reports that two gamblers were found asleep at their slot machines on a Saturday morning, later telling medical professionals they had no recollection of passing out while playing the slots. They also claimed they were missing around $260 in cash and tickets.
You know a lawsuit is coming here. Mark my words. They’re going to claim the casino piped some kind of chloroform through the forced-air system and rifled their pockets while they were asleep.
Hey, that’s what I’d claim.
Either that, or I’d say the casino slipped gasoline into my drink when I wasn’t looking.
Yeah, let’s go with that.