You know, there’s nothing that jazzes up a dull slot-machine game like something unexpected.
Like a guy falling out of the ceiling and hanging there in midair.
I love when that happens.
No, it actually did happen, like a lot of things happen these days, in South Dakota. Police were called to the Rushmore Casino after a man was reported missing in the area. The officers saw a man who fit the description going into a restroom and called out to him, but got no response. The guy locked himself in the restroom.
Sensing something fishy, the officers got management to unlock the door. When they went in, the guy had disappeared, only to reappear when he crashed through the panels of the ceiling and hung in midair, suspended on wiring from the ceiling.
While this particular rascal was taken off to jail and charged with disorderly conduct, I include an account of the incident here only because the casinos and slot manufacturers are always looking for new ideas to make the games interesting—particularly during this, the season of new slot games.
What could be more interesting on a lonely casino floor at 1:30 a.m.—which is when this happened—than the ceiling opening up and a guy flying down on wires? I envision it as a mystery bonus payment, in which he will fly down and hand money to some lucky player. He should be dressed like a fairy, with a tutu and a wand and everything, and hand a random player a pile of cash.
Yes, it could also be a woman, but I’d rather see it as a pudgy middle-aged bald guy with a couple day’s worth of whisker stubble. Maybe chomping on a cigar, too.
Hey, a floor show should be funny, right?
This wasn’t the only unexpected casino floor show that made the news last month. Clark County authorities indicted a man for making terroristic threats against Las Vegas casinos. He was threatening to avenge getting thrown out of the World Series of Poker last summer for pulling his pants down, mooning the table and then throwing a shoe at the dealer.
He claimed he did it because he had “lost a bet,” but the man clearly had other issues—and not just because he had gone all-in blind on the first hand of the $10,000 buy-in event. He got the terroristic-threat charge because he tweeted that “all casinos that have me banned will be destroyed effective immediately.”
Apparently, there are a lot of those. It later came out that the Pittsburgh native had a history of exposing himself at Las Vegas casinos. (It couldn’t have helped that he also looks exactly like Lex Luthor.)
Wow, he’s from my hometown. Just to let you know, this isn’t a Pittsburgh thing. To my knowledge, there is no problem at the Rivers Casino Pittsburgh with people running around the gaming floor in the buff, or even mooning the other players at a poker table.
OK, everyone throws shoes at each other in Pittsburgh. Especially after the Steelers lose. I expect a lot of shoes to be thrown this year.
What’s a bit disturbing is that this is, like, the third story this year involving someone taking their clothes off in a casino. If this becomes a trend, I’m going to open up a nudist casino. I’m already brainstorming the name:
Garden of Eden Casino Hotel.
Flesh in the Pan Casino Hotel.
Casino in the Raw.
Hooters Casino. (Wait, there’s already one of those.)
Naturally, there will be an age limit. And there should probably a weight limit, too. After all, there are some things that you just can’t un-see, no matter how hard you try.
Maybe I’ll locate the new casino in Henderson, so it’s close to our office, and, of course, to Popeye’s, so everyone can go there for sandwiches.
If you’re up on Henderson news, you already know the Henderson Popeye’s had to close one Sunday last month because owners of surrounding businesses were complaining about the traffic. Dozens of cars lined up to try a recently introduced chicken sandwich that had been making waves on social media. TV news was calling it a bona fide “Sandwich Craze.”
I wasn’t in town at the time, so I didn’t get caught up in the Sandwich Craze. I heard it wasn’t as bad as the Schnitzel Craze of ’78, but was definitely on par with the Fried Bologna Craze of ’62.
But hey, at least everyone kept their clothes on.